Amek Kau!

DUN MESS WITH CRAZY OLD PEOPLE!!!!!!! NANTI KENE CURSE!!!!!!!!

Gile Bosan

1. Bosan
Serius dah bosan ajar bebudak tahun 6 BI until one day aku dapat ilham cemana diorg bleh score paper 2 BI. Utk maklumat lanjut sila hubungi saya .... =p

2. Hari Buku Rekod
Seperti biasa ramai ibu bapa dtg sebab hari tu jugak pemberian borang untuk tuntut elaun kemiskinan dari JPM. So, mcm time aku explain kelemahan anak2 diorg, cuma ada beberapa je yang nak amik pot.

3. Iblis Paitan
Iblis Paitan berjaya melepasi cabaran pertama jalan ketika hujan di jalan Bawang-Aspal yang hanya terdiri dari gravel dan tanah sahaja. Alhamdulillah, semua OK walaupun agak panik apabila tayar jatuh dari lurah yang cuba dipanjat. Yang penting ialah teknik yang betul.

4. Kengkawan
Sangat seronok jumpa kengkawan di kudat, lama gile xborak ngan syitah dan reen, laughed our stomachs out hahaha.

5. Reunion TEYL 1 Ogos 2009
Kami akan mencadangkan reunion semua bebudak TEYL yang posting kat sabah ni supaya kita reramai berkumpul dan berseronok kat KK sempena 1 tahun sudah kita mula bertugas kat Sabah.

Iblis Paitan

Iblis Paitan bersama perasmi-perasmi pertama

Revenge of The Fallen

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This weekend, The Fallen went for revenge!

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Revenge towards the beauty of the outside world














Revenge towards food














Revenge towards balance, enjoy, taste, choice, and fun














Revenge towards the fun of being with friends








I've completed all revenge before going back to the shithole....

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Plan to get another hot wheels

RM 160,000 OTR
9 tahun = 108 bln
1 bulan nak kena byr rm1481.50

xpelah, aku cari moto murah sket...









Well, actually, aku nak cari kenderaan utk jenjalan kat Malaysia. So, nak la carik la moto best2 sket pasal:
1. Dah kaya kan, xkan nak pakai moto cabuk jek... (gila riak)
2. Currently, status aku dah bertukar dari dating>>>flirting, so some told me that chicks dig big bikes. (tapi mak aku ckp only bitches dig big bikes hahaha)

Haha, anyway, aku tak aim pon Ducati 1198 seperti gambar di atas. Yang aku aim ialah seperti di bwh. Affordable and dependable..

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Harga dlm Rm 95,000
huhuhu...

There is no such thing as good or evil.... But thinking makes it so....

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The Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs explains the order of importance. All well educated friends of mine would find this statement true.

Why do we do things? Movements, work, job... Why do we even breath? All of that has a reason and has nothing to do with good or bad. It is the law of nature. Only the strong will survive and the weak will die. We struggle each day to be strong, to survive. No matter what it takes, we need to survive. There is no such thing as good or evil.

At first, i thought that being mean and evil is the easiest way to survive in this world. I was damn wrong! I was wrong, because evil does not exist, neither does bad. What exists is needs. Pure, human needs. To fulfill our humanly needs, we need to struggle for it, no matter what it might cost,.

That is why we created rules, as a mean of control. Rules are created by those who have the power and needs to control others. Those who broke the rules are not bad or evil, they need to break the rules to fulfill their needs.

Good and Evil does not exist. Need does exist!

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Back to School.....!!!

Most important item to be prepared before going into the jungle! Without these medication, i'll go nuts. Must make sure i bought enough for 5 days. If not, i'll become the real "Syaitan Paitan", hitting and torturing children without hesitation...











Then, i must make sure i have enough oil to go in and out of the jungle. If not, i have to buy low quality petrol with an illogical high price. Stupid Pitas and Paitan area doesn't have any petrol station.










I must make sure my food supply is sufficient. Look at the picture. Healthy eating habit? I dun think so... Can't apply any healthy eating habits in the jungle...













Normally, the night before i ride into the jungle, i must take a lot of medication to show to myself what a frustrated life i'm living with...











Ciggies, Coke and WiFi.....

The things required to calm me....

in workplace 13th-17th June 2009

Sins

When this dish came to my table, i was so excited. My saliva came drolling. I put a bite on my tongue, its tasteless. This is what Johorians call Ubi Ketuk, my favourite local dish. But, i think i didn't have the heart to increase my appetite anymore. My heart was gone. Along with her. We usually hang out together and share the enjoyment of munching this local dish together. Maybe, it is just gluttony that makes me order this dish.

So, now i have to go back to my stupid job although it pays well. My greed for money and wealth makes me stay and did not quit this stupid job. my despaired soul aches as i saw my flight at the terminal. I felt sorrow surrounds me as i board that damn plane. As i reached school, as i entered the classroom, wrath controlled me. Hatred was all over me.

Heading to KK next week, hope that vanity and lust can calm me...

Lang Kawi Trip (Day 4)

Lang Kawi Trip (Day 3)

Alkisah, seorang pengembara merapu pada suatu hari...







Setelah mendapatkan sebuah kereta sewa, bermulalah perjalanan pengembara tersebut...
















Tiba2, seekor helang muncul menyerang, pengembara tersebut mengalahkan helang dengan hikmat kentut sejati...



















Pengembara ingin melihat keindahan di taman lagenda tapi tension sebab taman tersebut ditutup...












setelah jauh berjalan, jumpa dengan mahsuri yang tgh kena hukum, lantak pi lah kata pengembara itu...

















Terasa lapar tapi bekal tak bawak, jadi kena tumbuk padi dulu...















Penat sangat tumbuk padi jadi pegi carik restoran, tapi tersesat kat antartika...














Oh, dapat dah makanan sebab jumpa telur penguin. Tapi xpuas hati xdapat nasik... Nasik susah nak dapat sebab,,,,,,,,














Beras dah terbakar.....

Lang Kawi Trip (Day2)

Feri dari Kuala Perlis cam sial sesak, pengurusan jeti tak sistematik, dan penumpang2 kanak2 yang bising buat aku rasa nak campak diorang ke laut.












Sampai dah Lang Kawi...














Gile lapor, serbu kedai makan dulu. Nota utk kawan2 yang bakal ke Lang Kawi, sila pilih tempat makan yang bukan merupakan gerai2 yang mensasarkan pelancong2 sebagai pelanggan.
CEKIK DARAH! Sila makan di kedai2 yang mensasarkan penduduk tempatan sebagai pelanggan.











Pilih jgn tak pilih hehehe... Cenderamata murahan ni susah nak mendapat tempat di hati ahli keluarga akuh... huhuhu

Lang Kawi Trip (Day 1)

Bertolak selepas subuh, sejuk giler....

















Jawa Ayer Hitam a.k.a Drebar


















Laporan Day 1: belum sampai Lang Kawi. Lepak A.star dulu.... Seperti biasa, a.star masih membosankan macam selalu...


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Something Occured...

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Firstly, I want to apologize to some friends whom I didn't tell the truth about what is going on with me, why i didn't come to my friends' weddings, why i didn't wanna hang out while i'm at home, in my side of the country.

Back at where i was behind enemy lines, something occurred, and i am not going to repeat my previous entries. If anybody wants to know, do read the previous entries, you'll understand. Well, it is good to be in my country, to be home. Malays said, although its raining gold in other peoples' countries but it's still better to be in our own although we only had rain of ice, once in a blue moon. I love being at home, although there is no one for me to text good morning or good night anymore.

I tried to have fun. Just now I reached Temerloh. My parents asked me to check out our house there. I just said ok and this morning, i drove, feeling numb in my heart. There's something missing. No one is there to chat with me. Inside the car was only me and the CD player, at the time i reached Pahang area, it's playing "Remember Me" by Area 99.

I feel you so close to me
I hope you still think of me
Remember me, remember everything we used to be
Remember you, remember me, i remember everything we used to be
Coz' my heart stil pumping, will be forever with you, remember me.

The lyrics, made me thought of her. Actually, recently, every song did. I don't know... Damn it, missing something is so hard. Maybe i shouldn't have loved to much if i did not want to feel pain. But, still, a best friend told me, if i'm afraid of missing, I won't be able to love anymore... I don't know...

I reached the house, an hour ago. I went inside, and the same pain, the pain of missing, struck my heart when i looked at the walls. The white walls. We made it white. We spent two months of my semester break to paint the house. We lived together without our parents knowing it. I went to my room, i saw the poem we carved together at the wooden beam.

"Putih suci, sesuci cinta,
Pencinta-pencinta datang mewarna,
Putih jadi warna-warni,
Warna-warna cinta"

Her shadow is everywhere, haunting my feelings. I can't stand it, i took every bill in the post box and head to town to pay them, and now here i am at a cafe, writing this shit. I can't believe it... I had a small life, but she had been everywhere in my life... D'oh, my life is small... Damn it...

I went to watch a movie just now; Terminator: Salvation. It sucks to watch movies alone, nobody to talk about the movie later.





















Usually, we would quarrel because she would misunderstood the meanings of what the people in the movie say. Hahaha, she's so cute when she is sulking after i told her what she understood was wrong..

Damn it, i'll be alone tonight. Recently, i hate being alone...


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Congratulations

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In her recent entry comment on my blog, syitah asked a poster of hers, so, here it is...


















Congratulations to both of you... !

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You have got to stop smoking Dzull...

Dzull, its not funny!!! Hehehehehehhe

Motivational Posters to fight Boredom and Depression

Childish

"On the way to where my heart was gone"
Tanjung Lumpur, 1st June 2009








“…they fall, cry…and then in a few minutes, they get back up, happy… and running again…” This is a view of my friend about being childish. She said that there is a child in every adults’ conscience. Each adult deserves to act childishly whenever they are feeling down, but in the right way, the way she view earlier. A child knows no fear, they understand, and absorb and learn, and willing to take the next step without hesitation. Unlike adults, who kept being adults, are unwilling to accept the reality, therefore, unable to understand, unable to take the next step…

As I was driving to somewhere we used to have fun together, I felt lonely. Although there’s so many cars on the road, I felt empty. Usually my heart would jump for joy when I’m heading there. Usually my mind would think, what should we do first, second, and so on. Usually I would be smiling the whole journey. But this time, I felt nothing. There’s nothing for my heart to jump, there’s nothing to plan about, there’s nothing to smile to.

I reached her house in the evening. Her mother, was expecting me, and another person who turn out a few hours later. When I was inside, I saw her room, the door was not closed. The poster we drew together, still hanging in her wall. The poster of me and her, standing, holding hands, in a garden filled with torched sheep. I laughed a little bid, although a tear came out of my right eye. I started to reminisce the things she said. She always said that, she really wanted to see how would a sheep react when it is torched with a flamethrower. The words in the picture, she wrote it… “if you spent your life loving someone who really loves you, it would not be a wasted life…” I sat on her bed, her ‘study’ bear is still there. It was a teddy bear, but she pronounced it as ‘study’ bear which made me confused a bit at first. This was a few years ago. Then I lay down, looking at her ceiling, a picture of me and her was pasted there. We snapped it at the “Merlion” in Singapore. It was a really fun holiday. Her scent was still in her bed, the scent that I really miss. It was not from her perfume, it was from her body. The scent is sweet, it always makes my mind relaxed and happy. But that day, it made me miss her until I went out to cry silently in my car. I really miss her.

I went to her place where she lies sleeping peacefully. I cried reciting my prayers for her. I had a ciggie. She once said, “Although these things could kill you, you really look cool sipping them,”. And then she smile. Her smile, cute and innocent. When I wanted to fall in love, it wasn’t the body figure that I look at, but it will be the smile. When we first met, she smiled, and that, put in into her spell. I’ll always miss her smile. My cousin Am arrived with his girl, Mina’s best friend Azni, arrived. They know where to find me. Am gave me a brotherly hug, maybe he knows how depressed it has been all these days. “Allah has big plans for all of us.” he said. I just smiled, knowing that the truth was very hard to digest. These two people, a happy couple, was my best friends. They were Mina’s best friends too. They help out whenever any of us had problems. They wont point any mistakes towards any of us if something was wrong between us. Unlike some people I knew years ago, making each other believed that the other person is the culprit. Am and Azni are the best. We hung out so often, but each hang outs were like a very big reunion. We were a very beautiful picture. That day Azni’s tears dropped, like a piece of puzzle, dropped from a very beautiful picture. A piece, so important that you won’t ever understand the whole picture without it. The silence was uncomfortable as Am failed to comfort his precious. So, we went for tea at a local.

We recited Yassin and prayers that night at her mother’s house. I had never have any problems reciting the Yassin, but tonight was the same like back in 1993 when I was reciting Yassin for my late grandfather. My tears blocked my sight. I cant really see the Yassin, but I kept on wiping my eyes of. We went out after the ceremony ended with a little feast. I told Mina’s mother the truth, “Being in this house, there’s too much memory to me,”. She understood. We went to town, in our own cars, we drove. When Mina was still with us, we loved to play dangerous. Me and Am would always try to take over each others’ car on the road, ramming our engines to the max. But tonight, our cars were as silent as the lonely roads. I drove behind him, as we headed to town. Bon Jovi’s “My Guitar Lies Bleeding on Me” appeared on the mp3 regulator and the song was in the air. It saddens my heart.

“What is your next step?” Am asked me the same night as we were chillin’ at one of the locals. I couldn’t answer. I remained silent, looking at the floor, avoiding the question.

Azni: Mina wouldn’t want you to be sad. She wants you to live your life…
Me: I heard that a lot thank you…
Am: Fuck head! You heard it a lot because you fucking know that’s true.

Am was really angry, maybe he thought he would loose his wingman in the “funtime battle”, well, maybe his thought was right. That night I was about to let go of everything, but then, Azni, said something I’ve heard from another friend. The choice of words was different, but both convey the same meaning.

“Dzull, it’s okay to be childish for now, its okay to fall down, to sulk, to cry, as long as you decide to stop sulking, stop crying, get up on your two feet, and start to take the next step. Even a child wont have any fear taking the next step, why should you?”

That other friend of mine said something like this;
“A child knows no fear... they understand, and absorb and learn... they fall, cry...and then in a few minutes, they get back up, happy...and running again..”

These two sentences, haaunted me till this hour. In a few minutes, I'm gonna drive home.
Good Bye...

Missing her

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I miss her.

I will always miss her eyes, i love her eyes that would see my heart, cut through the bullshit. Her eyes that could see who i am and define me straight away as how i define myself. I miss her nose that could straight away sense the fear in me when i'm not telling the truth, that could sense all my love everytime i'm with her no matter what the situation is. I miss her lips and tongue that would always be decorated with her sincere smile, a smile that when i see it, i know that she sincerely loves me back. I miss her lips and tongue that would say words that could always make me smiled back, laughed, cried, and motivate myself to be a better lover, a better person. I miss her fingers, that when she touced me, i could straight away tell her emotions, because her fingers tell different kinds of touch. Joy, sadness, crazy plans.. The hugs from her fingers that could warmth the cold blood flowing in me, making me love myself as i love her. I love the magic that she put on me, that made me smiled everytime i see her face, even if i'm in a really fucked up situation. I miss her cute way of thinking, and no matter how wrong the way she thinks, her ideas are always adorable.

Last few weeks, these were all just memories.
I cannot forget how i faced all my fears riding for 3 hours after midnight.
I cannot forget my mixed feelings when i'm in the flight.
I cannot forget my sadness when i see you sleeping soundly in bed.
I cannot forget the wreckage that i went to look for at the police station.
I cannot forget the tire marks, showing how it happened.
I cannot forget how i spent hours sitting beside you, praying for you.
I cannot forget how i was silently crying dry tears, knowing the risks of losing you.
I cannot forget the beeping and hissing sounds of the machine beside you.
I cannot forget playing our love song repeatedly while waiting for you to wake up.
I cannot forget the last time you woke up from your sleep, you are always beautiful when you wake up from sleep.
I cannot forget how our tears dropped together, as you smiled at me and i could do nothing but smiled back at you.
I cannot forget how lonely it was when the beeping and hissing sounds turned into a long beep.
I cannot forget how sad it was to see your loved ones and my loved ones cried for you.
I cannot forget the last time i dreamed about you, you were so beautiful, we talked, we heard each other, you told me you love me and I said i love you back, but we were so far away.



as i sing this song, i hope you can hear me, i hope you kno how i means missing you

Misery likes company, i like the way that sounds
I've been trying to find the meaning, so i can write it down
Staring out the window,it's such a long way down
I'd like to jump, but i'm afraid to hit the ground

I'm tired of watching TV, it makes me want to scream
Outside the world is burning, man it's so hard to believe
each day you know you're dying, from the cradle to the grave
I get so numd sometimes,that i can't feel the pain

Staring at the paper, i don't know what to write
I'll have my last cigarette well, turn out the lights
Maybe tomorrow i'll feel a different way
But here in my delusion, I don't know what to say

I can't write a love song, the way i feel today
I can't sing no song of hope, i've got nothing to save
Life is feeling kind of strange, the day you went away
Life is feeling kind of strange, it's strange enough these days
And i can't fight the feelings, that are buried in my brains

As my guitar lies bleeding in my arms


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Syaitan Paitan's Last Ride...

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The road to Kundasang







Now i'm in KK. But last two days I experienced the most challenging bike road trip of my life. I thought i have been on bike from Johore to Pahang was enough experience for me to face this roadtrip. I was wrong.

1. SK Bawang >>> Kota Belud = 173 km (1.30pm - 4.30pm)
This was the start of my journey. I have been to Kota Belud a few times so this journey wasn't really a hard journey for me. I slept at Kota Belud Traveller's Lodge. It was a stupid ass motel. It sucks, the bed sucks, the service sucks. It cost me about rm70 for an outside bathroom bed. I slept normally that night altought the sounds of some furious gang fights behind the motel scares me a little bit.

2. Kota Belud >>> Ranau = 90 km (7.30am - 9.15am)
I thought that the roads would really push Syaitan Paitan to its limits but hell no. Syaitan Paitan is more powerful than i think. Some friends told me that my bike would breakdown during the hike but hell no. Syaitan Paitan was running 80km/h on these roads, easily taking over lorries and even the Hilux 'Vigo'. But it affects my body. I'm starting to feel dizzy from the increase of altitude and it was really, i mean REALLY cold. I stopped at Pekan Kundasang for a smoke break and SMS a few friends telling i managed to climb Kundasang on bike. HAHAH! Then i went straight to Ranau for breakfast and to fill in some gas.

3. Ranau >>> Telupid = 97 km (10.00am - 11.25am)
Here i had some difficulties since the roads sucks and there were a lot of stupid, dangerously slow moving lorries. They have no, not even some courtesy in their heads to give the "you are save to take over" signal! Damn stupid lorries. The weather was cool until i reached the vicinity of Telupid, its getting hotter. Reached telupid i SMS a friend posted there, asking where's the best place to eat, and i laughed when she replied "none" hahaha. Well, i just had some snacks and i continued my journey to Beluran.





A view of Pekan Telupid











4. Telupid >>> Beluran = 100km (11.35am - 1.45pm)
These roads are hot as the desert. I was worried that my tires would burst but i kept on riding. I was cofident that Syaitan Paitan won't let me down. It rained on the roads, so i stopped a while to wear my raincoat when i was reaching Beluran in about 50 more kilometres. Imagine this, it rained, and when the raindrops hit the asphalt, it vaporises into steam. Can you imagine how hot it was? I reached Beluran, checked in, and thats the end of Syaitan Paitan's journey for the day. I SMS a friend in Beluran and she took me for lunch and then she took me to Sandakan where we met 4 other friends posted there. Thank you very much sis!

5. Beluran >>> Tuaran = 310km (12.30pm - 5.30pm)
The stupid course ends early and I decided to ride straight to Tuarann. This would be the long last ride for Syaitan Paitan. It rained heavily from Telupid to Ranau, so i didn't have to worry about the tamperature making my tires burst or the engine overheated. I didn't turn the throtle to the max since i'm still feeling tired and dizzy due to yesterdays journey. Syaitan Paitan was trying to give up when we were hiking Kundasang. It suddenly stopped when we were going uphill since the engine was too cold. I stopped for a while, let it rest,had a smoke and ride again straight to Tuaran. I parked Syaitan Paitan at a friend's house and said goodbye to her. I gave her a farewell gift (a new expensive motor oil) since i'm retiring her and replace her with Iblis Paitan.





The journey back!















Thank you Syaitan Paitan....