circuit overload...

1. Hari ni pertama kali kena interogate dgn immigresen Malaysia. kesnya ialah saya dengan tak sengaja telah merosakkan passport antarabangsa saya (kena dakwat). Rupanya masalah besar kalo passport rosak ni. passport ditahan selama sebulan, dan kena buat passport baru yang valid hanya 2 tahun dengan harga rm300, (sepatutnya rm100)..

2. Hari ni pergi cari set bilik tidor, huhuhuhuhu.... ntah, pening membuat pilihan sebab sy xpandai memilih....

3. Hari ni masih demam, tapi kuatkan diri supaya tak asik baring jek cam semalam...

4. Lusa raya... hmmm... ntah...

5. Merindui yang disayangi...


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Yeay! Tudu a.k.a Skunk !

This is a skunk. the locals call it "tudu".

We found it on the way to school one morning.

For the record, i didn't ran over it. I just ran over a dog earlier... =p

Haven't been online for a long time

busy berchenta...

... end of story...

Green Flames

Istirgfar....

that is all i can do everytime i had the dream. the dream that i've had for years. the dream that has been haunting me. the dream that hurts. the dream of the green flames...

usually in the dream, green flames burns from my hands. but recently, sometimes from the flames, a sword came out or even, the flames turned into wings, attached on my back. it's getting worse when i can see myself in a mirror, smiling back at me.

why flames?
why the color green?

i cant answer those questions. just that the dreams will turn out really bad. the green flames burn me to ashes...

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The Raya Report

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1. Life is quite satisfying my legs touches the ground of my motherland. Spent 9 days at home really relaxed my mind. Really? not really. I've got plenty of stuff in my mind. Plenty...
and when i say plenty, it means a lot hahahaha

2. I've been missing someone during my holidays and so, on the 5th of Syawal, i went to the house of someone whom i would say the three dots. I received warm welcomes and compliments. Felt nervous at first but then, it went away or maybe i just ignored my nervousness as soon as i saw the person i missed so much...

3. Well raya means getting together with our family, whether we love them or hate them. But this year, i managed to try not to hate. But still haven't the will to try to love. It takes time to repair relationships.

4. Raya also mean getting together with friends. Went to Azreen's mansion with my bestest friends, the soon married-couple-to-be, Acid and Yat. Had fun with them!

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flowery roads

and another step has been taken...

...

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home...

and luckily got back on the right path...

Eid Mubaraq...

incomplete...

The unsolved puzzle needs the swimmer that swims deep in the ocean and find the missing piece..

...

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there's nothing to fear, but fear itself

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Currently playing: The Unforgiven 3 by Metallica

How could he know
This new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?

Set sail to sea
But pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure

Was he the one causing pain
With his careless dreaming?
Been afraid
Always afraid
Of the things he's feeling

He could just be gone
He would just sail on
He'll just sail on

How can I be lost,
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

These days drift on
Inside a fog
It's thick and suffocating

His sinking life
Outside it's hell
Inside, intoxication

He's run aground
Like his life
Water much too shallow

Slipping fast
Down with his ship
Fading in the shadows

Now a castaway
They've all gone away
They've gone away

How can I be lost
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me
Why can't I forgive me?

(Solo)

Set sail to sea
But pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure

How could he know
This new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?

How can I be lost,
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
So how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

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Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of pain.

Fear is one of a small set of basic or innate emotions. This set also includes such emotions as joy, sadness, and anger.

Fear should be distinguished from the related emotional state of anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat.

Fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.

Fear always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable.



















By understanding fear, i hope that i may one day face all my fears, especially fear towards myself...

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Searching For Light Through Raindrops...

raindrops,

raindrops makes me feel comfortable,

raindrops makes me feel missing,

raindrops makes me feel uneasy,

raindrops makes me feel secured,

raindrops makes me feel taken,

raindrops makes me feel owned,

raindrops makes me think that light is beautiful,

...

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three dots, four dots

"when the roots are strong, at that time, we are ready for everything"

to look after a tree, we need to be patient. we need to water the tree every day. we need to fertilize the tree once in a while. we need to be patient to wait for the roots to be strong, in order to make sure the leaves grow beautiful.

it goes the same with feelings. it is something that takes time. it is something that couldn't be rushed. we need to wait till we are ready to express the feelings we put deep down in our hearts.

...

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Raindrops... part 3

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Conversation of the unspoken speech occurred for approximately 1 hour and 45minutes. But still the unspoken speech wasn't uttered due to an understanding. The understanding that the speech shouldn't be uttered easily. Because it shouldn't be easy, due to the condition of uttering the speech. The speech should come from the non-hesitating heart, that the self should really understand the meaning of the speech. The self should utter the speech with respect, because it is so sacred, it is so pure, that it shouldn't be uttered easily.

And as raindrops fell on my windshield just now, although i already knew it, i'm missing the owner of blue star.

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Lawas-Brunei Checkpoint

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The Long Talk of Dots...

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...................................................fell, fall.....................................................................................................
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...... ..... . .... ...Brunei~

Greetins from MIRI.

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Current Location: Decentra Motel (located at Miri Centre Square)

Current Feelings: Missing

1. After 10 hours of driving while fasting, we have reached Miri, Sarawak.

2. While driving, the feeling of missing someone kept me going, as i thought, that in a few days, i'll be back, meeting the one i miss...

3. Dunno about 2row's plan, time sahur baru plan, or maybe xde plan pun...

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woh, rindunya tak terkata....

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Raindrops... part 2

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Raindrops falling through the windsheild, and we watched it together.

It makes me uneasy not to look at you although while holding the wheel.

It makes me smile when you seemed uneasy when i look at you.

You kept being silent at times, and that scares me.

What am i scared about? I don't know but, I do know how i feel about you.

As you say you have things in mind that you are not gonna tell me, that makes me curious, but still, i have no intention to push the answers.

I'll let you be you, and I let me be yours.

As you sent me to sleep, i kept thinking about you.

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And again, raindrops fell on the windshield, reminds me of the song we sang together...

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Raindrops...

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Currently Playing:
B.J. Thomas - Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

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Words in RED means a lot...
Because, i cant bear the curiousity anymore, and i did it...
And now, i'm a happy gorilla, and hoping that this happiness lasts forever...


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Self Evolution...

1. I really hoped that someday, i would change, and be a better person, not for anyone else but for the sake of myself and Allah S.W.T.

2. I hoped that in my life, i would do the right things instead of the wrong, that i would be guided by the right people, and the right path.

3. I really hoped that Allah granted me with guideline, as I've always prayed for him and begged him for forgiveness for the wrong choices i have made in the past.

4. I hoped that, even if i can't change myself, i would be a better person, slowly, and with patience i go through life's ups and downs.

Amin...

Lost Focus Even After a Year of WORK !!

Lokasi sekarang ialah sebuah bandar kecil yang mana kawasan ini terkenal dengan beruk berhidung besar. Malas betul nak pikir pasal temuduga SPP tuh. benci benci benci! argh!!! kenapa aku masih hilang fokus terhadap kehidupan harianku! kenapa fokusku masih belum datang. kenapa fokusku hilang? aku tak suka keadaan diri yang sebegini tetapi aku tak tahu bagaimana untuk mengembalikan fokusku. aku hanya dapat berasa agak tenang apabila mungkin, aku dapat apa yang aku inginkan, tetapi, amat susah, dan aku tidak tahu bagaimana...

1. Tahniah kepada kita semua yang berjaya ber-reunion di KK tempohari (gambar sudah upload di facebook)

2. Tahniah kepada Azreen kerana dengan tabah dalam kesakitan, tetap sabar menghadapi dugaan

3. Tahniah kepada diri ini kerana berjaya meng-annoying-kan "seseorang" dgn sangat berjaya!

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tidak lagi BERKUASA DI ATAS DUNIA

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Tajuk blog telah berubah sempena post entry yang ke-200.

Perubahan tajuk ini juga melambangkan perubahan status emosi diri ini.

Aku benar2 kesesatan, aku keseorangan di dalam kegelapan. Mahupun rakan-rakan sedia membantu, aku tidak sampai hati mengheret mereka ke arah kegelapan. Aku belum bersedia untuk memulihkan diri ini, biarkan lah...
Adakah semua ini disebabkan kekecewaan? kesedihan? keseorangan? kebodohan? kejahatan? pembalasan? aku tidak tahu, aku kurang pasti. aku tidak tahu apa-apa, kerana sememangnya aku sesat di dalam kegelapan.
Aku benar-benar berada di dalam keadaan tertekan tatkala minda terseksa, tertekan kerana tidak tahu apa sebabnya yang mengakibatkan diri ini tertekan. Aku, tidak lagi Berkuasa Di Atas Dunia, hanya Sesat di Dalam Gelap

Lewat ini ku rasakan
Kasih kian ku dambakan
Resah hati yang ku pendam
Pada takdir dan harapan

Detik waktu dan suratan
Siapa tahu ketentuan
Ku mencari cahayanya
Dalam bayang kegelapan

Nasib hidup dan pilihan
Lain hukum setiap insan
Mengharapkan perjalanan
Dalam maya kesamaran

Aku kembali kerana masih
Mencari yang hakiki
Sinar pasti
Janji suci yang abadi


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